It's been over 2 weeks since our Close of Service Conference. For those who don't know, the COS Conference is when Peace Corps brings in all of the Peace Corps Volunteers from all over the country to one location, where we go over various topics we will need to know for when we return to the United States, ie Employment, Medical benefits, etc. The conference is usually held at a posh location, in our case the Holiday Inn Resort in Port Vila. We're talking three days of air conditioning, fancy-ass bed, breafkast and lunch buffets, tea breaks, pool, Internet, and some touchy-feely holding hands in a circle and talk about our experiences. And hash browns....the best hash browns I've ever tasted. And they give us our certificate of appreciation!
On the night of the third and final day we check out and they put us all on a boat where we party, dance, and sign each other's "Yearbooks". Still haven't read mine, I'll save it for the plane ride home :-)
So as our service winds down, what are my feelings? Well here goes...
First of all, I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. This may sound strange to say, given how much I love my work, the people, and the culture here. But lately I've also been feeling pangs of longing for home. I've noticed I've been saying things like "I'm so tired of xyz" or "I'm so sick of abc" more frequently lately, and I can see the writing on the wall. It's time to go home.
Maybe all I need is a break, but I've been longing for familiar surroundings lately, to be back with loved ones...to have an INCOME again. I miss Hawai'i: the climate, the people, the culture, the pidgin, the FOOD. I miss my apartment. I miss driving. I miss the semblance of quality control when it comes to buying things. I miss not having to pay an arm and a leg for electronics. I miss amazon.com.
I'm not being pushed away, I'm being pulled back.
Having said all that, I am also feeling anxious about going back. Coming to Vanuatu, I kind of knew what I was getting into...I knew the Peace Corps had my service laid out for me, I knew I would be in training, I knew where I would be and what I'd be doing, I knew I'd be taken care of. Now, for the first time in a couple of years, I don't know what's in store for me. Once the initial euphoria of being back home wears off, how will I cope with being an "American" again? The hustle and bustle, the "First World Problems", the whining about little things that don't matter, the media, the materialism, the shallowness. Even Hawaii's Aloha Spirit may not be enough for me to soften through the cultural withdrawal that I'm expecting. So ya, fear of the unknown.
Encountering the now almost-one-year-old Group 26 has also contributed to the anxiety I feel about going back. Let me preface this by saying that the majority of those in the group have been amazing, dedicated, and very professional volunteers that Vanuatu is lucky to have. Having said that, I have found the attitudes of some in the group a bit concerning, as far as readjusting goes: The obsessive concern about illnesses, the comparatively strict adherence to formality and political correctness, and the subtle arrogance a couple have expressed regarding the perceived superiority of their skills, maturity and experience vs. those of G25 volunteers. One person had even expressed that they can't wait for our group to leave so they can make changes. Ouch. If the couple of negative encounters I've had is a sampling of Americana that I have to look forward to back home...it makes me wonder, were we like that when we first got here? Admittedly I remember similar traits in us when we first arrived, and even thinking similar thoughts about how we were better than G24 in some respects...G26 will probably encounter the same from G27. It's the circle of life. I guess it's like how teenagers feel about their parents, and how their kids will feel the same about them in time. That might possibly be the case, as prolonged service in this country changes you, which may make readjusting to home even more of a challenge.
I also don't want to change back. I like who I've become, the lessons I've learned, the shifts in values I've made. Does going back mean I'm going to revert to the "American" way of thinking again? Are the changes I have undergone simply temporary adaptations in order to cope with the culture here, or is it a permanent growth in my character?
I guess only time will tell.
And finally, the warm and fuzzy. My fellow G25 volunteers...the weirdest, craziest, most ecclectic motley crew of volunteers ever assembled...and they were my family for the past coupla years. When we first arrived in-country, we had to rely on each other for emotional (and other *wink wink*) support to get through the difficult first few months. That and the various "team-building" activities that Daryl (one of the volunteers who ET'd) had us do when we first got here, created a bond that seemed unbreakable. I mean, a group of people who would otherwise never have met or have even become friends were crammed together to create this hodgepodge family. Of course as time went on and we got comfortable in our roles and at our sites, we found our little niches, and grew closer to some more than others; naturally we drifted apart somewhat. But like any family, when the shit hits the fan we're there for each other (for the most part lol). Even as I type this I can't help tearing up.
On a fun-ner note and as a shameless plug, we made a video based on Pharrell Williams' "Happy", where Peace Corps Volunteers were filmed dancing all around the "Happiest Country in the World".. After seeing a couple of Youtube videos of people dancing to the song, I thought "Hey, we could do that!". After talking about it with a fellow volunteer during a phone chat I subsequently sent out a blastogram text message to the other vols and asked those who were interested to send in their clips; also visited a couple of islands and filmed them myself. I later found out Peace Corps Morrocco did one of their own (you can find theirs on Youtube as well). After many obsessive nights editing the hundreds of clips from various PCVs it to get it done in time for the COS Conference, I think it came out well...I consider it a gift from all of, to all of us, and for our loved ones back home.
Aaand so endeth my post-COS Conference / Pre-COS blog post! I still have alot of work to finish up before leaving this country, but I also know it's time. Looking back on my experiences and the friends and connections I've made from PCVs and others from around the world...this experience has taught me alot about myself, about others, about human beings in general and what we are all capable of. I have become a stronger and better person as a result. It's an experience I wouldn't trade in for the world.
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| Me & Keith Honda, Country Director of Peace Corps Vanuatu |
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| My Cert! Woohoo! |
So as our service winds down, what are my feelings? Well here goes...
First of all, I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. This may sound strange to say, given how much I love my work, the people, and the culture here. But lately I've also been feeling pangs of longing for home. I've noticed I've been saying things like "I'm so tired of xyz" or "I'm so sick of abc" more frequently lately, and I can see the writing on the wall. It's time to go home.
Maybe all I need is a break, but I've been longing for familiar surroundings lately, to be back with loved ones...to have an INCOME again. I miss Hawai'i: the climate, the people, the culture, the pidgin, the FOOD. I miss my apartment. I miss driving. I miss the semblance of quality control when it comes to buying things. I miss not having to pay an arm and a leg for electronics. I miss amazon.com.
I'm not being pushed away, I'm being pulled back.
Having said all that, I am also feeling anxious about going back. Coming to Vanuatu, I kind of knew what I was getting into...I knew the Peace Corps had my service laid out for me, I knew I would be in training, I knew where I would be and what I'd be doing, I knew I'd be taken care of. Now, for the first time in a couple of years, I don't know what's in store for me. Once the initial euphoria of being back home wears off, how will I cope with being an "American" again? The hustle and bustle, the "First World Problems", the whining about little things that don't matter, the media, the materialism, the shallowness. Even Hawaii's Aloha Spirit may not be enough for me to soften through the cultural withdrawal that I'm expecting. So ya, fear of the unknown.
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| 'Murricaaaaaaa!!! |
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| Just can't let go of that wristwatch |
I guess only time will tell.
And finally, the warm and fuzzy. My fellow G25 volunteers...the weirdest, craziest, most ecclectic motley crew of volunteers ever assembled...and they were my family for the past coupla years. When we first arrived in-country, we had to rely on each other for emotional (and other *wink wink*) support to get through the difficult first few months. That and the various "team-building" activities that Daryl (one of the volunteers who ET'd) had us do when we first got here, created a bond that seemed unbreakable. I mean, a group of people who would otherwise never have met or have even become friends were crammed together to create this hodgepodge family. Of course as time went on and we got comfortable in our roles and at our sites, we found our little niches, and grew closer to some more than others; naturally we drifted apart somewhat. But like any family, when the shit hits the fan we're there for each other (for the most part lol). Even as I type this I can't help tearing up.
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| Dammit. I'm gonna miss these fuckers. |
Aaand so endeth my post-COS Conference / Pre-COS blog post! I still have alot of work to finish up before leaving this country, but I also know it's time. Looking back on my experiences and the friends and connections I've made from PCVs and others from around the world...this experience has taught me alot about myself, about others, about human beings in general and what we are all capable of. I have become a stronger and better person as a result. It's an experience I wouldn't trade in for the world.
