As of October 6, 2013, one year had passed since I landed in Vanuatu...as of December 6, 2013, it's been one year at my site. The new group arrived in-country as of January 2014, and we are in the process of training them for their service. Time stops for no man. One year spent living in this country, working at this school, working with children, getting to know the people and the culture, getting to know my fellow volunteers, and most of all getting to know myself.
To mark this milestone, here are some of the lessons I've learned about myself, about others, and about people in general.
-THE BAD-
First, let;'s get this out of the way.
LESSON #1 - NOT ALL PEACE CORPS VOLUNTEERS ARE CREATED EQUAL
I'm glad to say that most Peace Corps volunteers I have met have been good, caring and hard-working people who want to do good, to make a difference in a positive way for the community they're in. But one of the realities I had to face up to early on is that people join the Peace Corps for different, and sometimes selfish reasons. Some are lazy. Some are racist. Some are downright mean.
Coming into this you think you will find kindred spirits; that everyone volunteering do so for the same reasons: to make the world a better place, to help the less fortunate, etc. But I found out that's not necessarily so; some join for not-so-altruistic reasons, some with very selfish motivations, and some for reasons that make you scratch your head. Some join because they can't (or don't want to) find work back home, and it's an alternative to joining the military. Some see it as a way to visit another country on the government's dime. Some see it as a way to get high in a country that may not be as stringent as the US about such things. And (this is something a volunteer actually told me to my face) some join because they hear that the Peace Corps is where you can get laid easily because girls (i.e. other volunteers) are alot more willing to "give it up".
Really? THAT'S why you're here? I suppose it was a bit naive of me to think we all share the same goals here...It's similar to those who join the military; not everyone signs up to "protect our freedoms" some do it for selfish or with less-than honorable motivations. It takes all kinds.
It was a shocking revelation, but honestly it only motivates me to try harder to be the best volunteer I can to offset the bad ones.
-THE GOOD- aaight, now for the good stuff!
LESSON #2 - STUDENTS CAN MAKE THE BEST TEACHERS
It's an irony that as Peace Corps volunteers we come into this country to teach others; to teach them such topics as basic healthcare, English, and in my case, IT. But in the process of doing so, I have found that *I* have been learning many lessons myself.
The message from Peace Corps is about people who are different from us getting along with each other. It is learning another's language, stepping into their shoes, playing and working together, talking not screaming, inviting not aliening, drawing out the best in people not finding fault, people just being friends. I think that's a lesson that Vanuatu doesn't need to learn, but rather should be teaching.
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| My smiling counterpart...love this guy!! |
And Ni-Vans make the best teachers. I have never met a people so willing to accept, to learn, so motivated to bond with others. They are genuinely inquisitive as to who you are, where you are from, what you are doing here, and are so willing to accept you into their home and family. The people of this country know what it means to be human, to show generosity to those who we would otherwise ignore as irrelevant back in the West.
LESSON #3 - CONFIDENCE
Confidence is something you gain through experience... In the first month and a half here they trained us to integrate, to learn the language, kinds of food here, how people sustain themselves, etc. But no amount of training can prepare someone for the specific things they'll be doing and the difficulties they'll be facing at their assigned sites. When I first came here, my first task was to integrate...which is harder than it sounds. I was thrown into an unknown environment with people who, albeit very nice, were completely alien to me. Culture shock, homesickness, isolation, the climate, and yes even the food all contributed to that feeling of anxiety.
Then the work. We received some general road maps from other volunteers and staff, but I had to come up with my own curriculum, lesson plans, and lessons/activities that would work for my class the way I envisioned it.
Sure it was scary at first, but slowly as I met and socialized with the people here, ate with them, chatted with them, and yes, even (gag) drank kava with them, the anxiety subsided. And as I met the kids here, talked to them, taught them...when I saw that my students were actuaslly LEARNING something, that "a-ha" look on their faces...something that *I* did was helping them succeed...that's when I felt the greatest pride I had ever felt in my life. That's when I finally knew, I CAN DO THIS...I *AM* DOING IT.
The key was when I decided to change how I thought about the challenges and decided to treat it like a game...that I have total freedom to make my own lessons, to make it as fun and exciting as I want, to make it as goofy as I want, etc. Because I'm a volunteer and not an employee, I have that freedom to do it the way I wanted to do it. So I told myself, "let's have fun with this!" and got creative.
I realized I had a strength inside of me that I myself didn't know about...that I CAN immerse in another culture on my own, that I CAN adapt and integrate and help to make things better for those who need it, that I CAN make it in a country so hot, humid and filled with mosquitoes lol.
Yes, the highs are very high, and the lows are very low...but pain is a part of life; it's a feeling, and it's important, but it's not much more than that...every feeling will pass if you give it time. And if you learn to deal with your feelings, they'll pass by faster each time. So don't rush to cover them up, deal with the setbacks, the disappointments, the hurt and struggle, otherwise you will never learn and just continue to tread water in the same spot forever.
There was no way that I could have known this until I had put myself in this situation where I HAD TO do these things. Sure I've stumbled and made mistakes along the way, we all do. But we learn by doing...and as cliche as it is, it's true that you never know what you can do until you try.
LESSON #4 - THE POWER OF POSITIVE MOTIVATION
It's actually quite liberating when you change the way you approach things, and not just with your work. In order to start ANYTHING, you must have a "can-do" attitude, that whatever you do can and WILL succeed. That's the nature of being a Peace Corps Volunteer, there are so many obstacles that I have to think of them not as obstacles to overcome, but as opportunities to achieve. I can't let anxiety and doubt enter my brain; if I do, then I won't get anything done and I might as well pack up and go home. We are our own worst enemies, it's not outside forces that often stop us, it's our own doubts, fears and insecurities. There are two ways to be motivated to action: POSITIVE and NEGATIVE. POSITIVE means you go in knowing what you want and doing it to achieve and succeed. NEGATIVE motivation is when you do (or not do) something out of fear, uncertainty and doubt. POSITIVE thinking is long-term; it will keep you motivated and keep moving until you get it right, even when you fail at first...negative thinking will only get you so far until your first blunder, after which you will run out of steam real fast.
LESSON #5 - PAS-PAS WE PAS-PAS
This is a phrase my Headmaster at my school taught me...basically it means when troubles passes in front of you, you just let it pass you by. I've always played it safe back home, always having a contingency plan, or trying things only when I know I can get away unscathed. Little things would stress me out: lateness, plans that don't work out, trying to get things juuuust right. But being in this country, where almost nothing goes according to plan or in the way or time-frame that you expect, doing that will make you go insane. In Hawai'i we have the "just hang loose" mentality, Vanuatu is that to the nth degree! Here I've learned early on that if you don't take things in stride and just let things happen in their OWN time, and stop trying to control everything, you will lead a very unhappy and frustrated life.
I would watch people here who would spend the day just sitting on the beach, chatting with friends and neighbors, occasionally getting up to go to the bathroom and eat something...then go right back to sitting in the same spot on the beach. All day. Every day. There was no stress, no worry, and whatever that needs to be done, will get done in its own time. After a while I realized there is a value in that...in seeing things in the "big picture" instead of being bogged down in the little minutia of daily inequities and inconveniences. We're not machines, we're not robots, not everything needs to be a big issue that occupies so much of our time and mental/emotional energy...eventually whatever we do will fade away with the passage of time, so why not focus on what's important...friends, family, love...the simple pleasures in life...the things that make us happy.
Related to that, I've also learned to stop putting up with shit unnecessarily. As I said, you should not let the small stuff bog you down, and that includes putting up with "toxic" people, things and situations that contribute to negativity in your life. If something bothers you, get RID of it, whether it be the thing that causes your stress or how you deal with it. Don't let it occupy your time any more than it needs to. Life on Earth is finite; it should be filled with the people and things that make you happy, make you relax, make you smile...so sweep away the "toxic" elements so you can go back to just sitting on the beach. :)
LESSON #6 - THE VALUE OF SACRIFICE
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| Main tum logon ko bohot miss karta hoon!! |
I have learned what it means to sacrifice something for a greater purpose. All those things I hold dear...my family, my friends, my home, the people I love, creature comforts, a high-paying job, money...I left it all behind to do this. For everyone who does overseas volunteer work for any length of time, it's a sacrifice. Every one of us here has either quit their jobs, left school, left their family, friends, a way of life to go to a country they never heard of and to do work they didn't know when we applied. In the last year we've missed birthdays, engagements, weddings, births, deaths, graduations...we've missed seeing kids grow up, we've missed family gatherings.
Life will always keep moving on...No matter what you may be doing in your life, no matter what happens, life goes on for everyone else; it doesn't stop for you, or me, or anyone. When something big happens in my life, the man down the street doesn't know it, as far as he's concerned it's just another day. If I die tomorrow, 99% of the world won't mourn for me, they will just keep living their lives, plugging away as they always do.
That sounds a bit depressing, I know, but it really isn't...It doesn't mean my life is in any way insignificant; on the contrary, it means my life and what I do with it means MORE now than ever! It means every moment must be treasured, that the value of my life is not dependent on how others see it, but rather how I do...that I must enjoy and live my life doing what I love, doing what makes me happy, what makes life enjoyable and worth living for me. Life is a gift, it shouldn't be a chore; it is a waste to fill it with stress and worry about inconsequential things.
No matter what you do, you are sacrificing SOMETHING either way; if not sacrifice something I have, I'd be sacrificing something I *could have* had. If I had stayed home, living the life I was, I would have sacrificed my life here. I would never have come to one of the most beautiful countries in the world, with some of the most beautiful people in the world. I would never have made such wonderful friends, had such amazing experiences, and never would have grown, changed, or learned the lessons I have. I can't imagine NOT having come here...and I feel that at this point in my life I was meant to be here, because I needed to. In effect, I didn't choose this country, this country chose me :)
LESSON #7 - FEAR IS GOOD
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| At Mt Yasur volcano...careful, that first step's a doozie! |
This may see counter to what I've said before about positive motivation, but this isn't about using fear as motivation, it's about OVERCOMING your fear. It's when you do something you want to do but was afraid to for fear of failure, of looking foolish, or of what others may think of you. The problem is, if you don't do the things that scare you, how can you overcome it?
We grow by doing the things that is new to us, that we are unaccustomed to, and by learning from those experiences, we grow. And I speak from experience ;)
LESSON #8 - FROM RELIGION TO SPIRITUALITY
* Let me apologize ahead of time if this offends any of you; this applies to me and only me, and has no bearing on the validity of anyone else's beliefs :)
I guess you could say I am an atheist. I believe religion is man's way of trying to make sense of the universe the best way they can. After being here, I have found "God" is not an anthropomorphic being living in the clouds watching everything that we do, but rather that *we* are our own gods...that the value in human beings doesn't come in the form of reverence to an almighty being, but rather from our own actions and in how we treat each other and ourselves. If we would only worship EACH OTHER as much as we do the various deities and religious leaders we have in the world, this planet would have so much less pain and suffering to endure.
Back home I did the whole "religious search" thing, reading various texts and philosophies to fortify myself
against doubts, fears and uncertainties. I used it as a crutch and as a way to try and mend any sense of cultural disconnect I may have had. I would buy into the words written out by saints, prophets and leaders of the past, eventually blending them with the various superstitions and mythologies that went along with them. I would practice ceremonies religiously (pun intended), fearing that should I neglect them, I would be punished by some higher, supernatural force. I would also use religion and their rules to bring structure in my life, for fear that, without them, I would just stumble and fail without their guidance.
It is ironic that it took living in a country that takes religion so seriously to facilitate my moving away from it. As I learned to do things my own way and having been given the freedom to make my own rules, I had time to meditate on myself, my life, and my role in the world. I increasingly felt smothered by the rules and preaching afforded to me by these texts. Why am I placing so much validity in supernatural beings written about but I have never seen? Why am I practicing all of these customs and ceremonies that do nothing to better myself but rather serve to interfere in my life and freedoms, that only adds to my anxiety? Why must I stop eating this, stop saying that, stop thinking this...too many restrictions, restrictions that hold little relevance today, handed down by people who have been dead for centuries if they ever existed at all. I know what is best for me, what I should do, and how to live my life to be the best human being I can.
Serving in a conservative Christian country has made me see how much religion and religious thinking holds back the very progress the people here desire...they prioritize religion over education, social development, etc. and encourages the "God will save us" mentality which encourages people here to sit and wait for things to get better instead of doing things for themselves...and things often don't get better, after which they make excuses that it was God's will. It's also created a low sense of self-worth for them as a people, that "Jesus" was what saved them from their "uncivilized" past. It has also encouraged social discrimination against gays, and explains away natural disasters and personal misfortunes as being God's way of punishing sinners or the work of the Devil. And I haven't seen anything here that has shown me God is doing anything to help the people here; it just becomes a convenient excuse to explain away things that (they think) are out of their control.
Being a PC volunteer has also given me time to think without distractions, about my own personal beliefs and thoughts about religion and spirituality. I wasn't raised religious, but growing up in the US you often just accept religion as a given part of your life. Being outside of that allowed me to reevaluate things for myself. Also there are alot of atheists in the PC, and so it made me more comfortable and open with the idea, and with expressing that publicly (at least among other PC vols). As I said being here has allowed me to be more confident, and thus the confidence to make that leap to atheism.
Just to clarify, I am not saying people who are religious are bad, wrong or misguided. I know the power it has; it can bring so much meaning to people's lives, and can fill us with love and hope as it did for me. It provides moral guidance, a solid foundation and a clear path to live your life...should you need it. I just don't need it...not anymore. I've realized that being religious is not a requirement to be a good person, nor is the absence of religion a factor in being a bad one.
The only thing that is sacred in this world is *us*...People. Life. Love. I have seen so much "spirit" here...in the smiling faces of the stranger on the street, the friendly hello from the people in my village, the frequent "storian-ing" I do with the bus drivers and random people on their walkabouts, and in the smiling faces of joy I see in the children. There is genuine love and kindness here, which some could attribute to the work of the churches. But I see it as an adherence to the universal ideas that are inherent in all of us; of love, of kindness, and wanting to treat others well, not because we may be rewarded for it by a higher power, but because we have an innate desire to do so.
I would say that I am spiritual. I do believe in a "flow" to the universe, balance between this vs that, a connection to everything. I believe these things because I feel it, just as those who believe in God do so because they "feel" him/her. I suppose it all depends on your definition of "God", whether it's a supernatural being, a mystical force controlling everything, or the neighbor in the house next door. I choose the neighbor :)
TO SUM IT UP
I have never been happier than when I am working as a volunteer. I can without any doubt say this has to be the best decision I have EVER made in my life...Coming here, experiencing what I've experienced, the stresses and frustrations, knowing what I can do, that I can make a difference, doing good work in a country with good people...I've learned new things and my perspectives and priorities have changed. I've learned to appreciate the simple things in life while not sweating the small stuff. I've learned to enjoy what I already have. My confidence in myself has grown exponentially, and has opened up a whole new world of possibilities. I now know I can do this, that I am doing something worthwhile that I can be proud of.
I like to think I've grown a bit (and not just in the waistline harhar)...gotten wiser, become stronger, but also become a better human being. My priorities have shifted...When I visited Japan for vacation I realized that I no longer saw the day-to-day problems and troubles of life as things to stress over (well losing my passport was a BIG problem to stress over lol); my focus has moved away from only doing what it takes to be successful financially, to doing what makes me happy...To live my life doing what I love, what excites me, what scares me, and what enriches me. And I am doing that now.
And of all the lessons I've learned, the biggest is this: I have learned how I truly feel about the people in my life. To you whom I have left behind (and you know who you are) and who have been my greatest support back home...seriously and from the heart: I cherish and adore you.
One year to go, so I'd better make it a good one! A hui hou kakou, and aloooooha! :)
