Sorry for not updating for so long, things have been crazy busy since we got our assignments and moved into our respective sites, I really haven't had much time (or energy) to put my thoughts down til now.
Lessee...I moved into Erakor Village about 3 weeks ago as of this writing. Thankfully the move was quite simple, unlike most of the others in our group I didn't need to book any flights, boats, etc. Just asked the Peace Corps driver to take me there, and bought a tank of gas for my gas stove on the way. Still kinda wished I got an electric stove instead since I have 24x7 electricity, but I've gotten used to cooking on a gas stove and I do like how fast it is to cook on it...though I'll probably regret it when I have to lug that heavy-ass empty canister to the gas store for a refill.
My house...it's a tiny little house, situated right smack-dab at the back of Erakor Primary School and attached to the computer lab. It's just enough for one person. You walk in, and boom! you're in the kitchen. The next room is the bedroom. I am replacing a married couple so their bed frame is rather large with no mattress, so I had to use the single-sized mattress I was given when we first arrived here. I evntually got another mattress, slightly bigger, when pink flowery designs all over it, the bed sheet, and the pillow ;p. Very masculine lol Well in lieu of real plants and flowers in my place that works.
Right next to my building is the Deputy Headmaster's house, where he and his family live. They've become my adopted host family in a way, as I've attended several of their family ceremonies, and have had kava with them several times, usually as part of a "kastom" ceremony they invited me to.
Down the street off-campus is the home of the Headmaster, and up the steps from my house is my actual Host Family. I've met my host fam once...so far everyone in the village has been very nice, as Ni-Vans tend to be in general. Most everyone waves hello in the morning...it seems they know *of* me, as when I explain who I am they tell me they know or give me a knowing look. We're supposed to integrate here, but what with my many travels to and from Vila to take care of shopping and what-not, and the fact that there are like 3 THOUSAND people in this village, it's easier said than done. But now that I'm more settled in now, I hope to do a bit more exploring and thus meeting more people. Oh yeah, and Coconut Wireless is a real thing here...everyone in the village knows where you are, where you've been, and what you've been doing before you do! lol
My village is quite "flas", Bislama for "flashy". They even have street lights! My host family for example has a wooden floor, 24x7 power, a TV, DVD player and rice cooker, with 5 rooms! Damn...feels weird when the people you are supposed to be helping live in nicer homes than you do! lol
And now for the meat of this blog post...the ups and downs of adjusting to life in our villages...and honestly the adjustment hasn't been easy. It took me a solid 3 weeks, and til very recently it was quite an emotional roller coaster, alot more so than I expected. Feelings of isolation, of trying to figure out where I fit in, and a general feeling of "what am I doing here?" The people in my village are very nice and welcoming, but as close as they are I am still physically and culturally segregated from them, so this adds to that feeling of isolation. This was surprising to me, as I'm a pretty independent guy, I've been on my own for a while now, have been to and lived in foreign countries, and have lived on an island almost all my life (granted the Hawaiian climate is not as extreme as it is in the South Pacific) so I thought the transition would have been a smooth one. Not quite!
I think our training village in Tanoliu spoiled us...there we were constantly surrounded by people, the villagers were always around us, whenever we go anywhere they would ask us where were going, what we are/were doing, etc. And those few times when the villagers weren't around, there were other PCVs there...I mean, we saw each other EVERY F'n DAY for a month and a half since we entered into this country! It felt more like we were at a camp in the US than in a remote group of islands in the South Pacific. Now all of a sudden we've been separated, living alone in villages that, for all intents and purposes, are quite isolated, even when we are surrounded by people. Even though I'm fortunate enough to be so close to the PC Office in Vila, and the fact that there are ALWAYS other PCVs there...they are usually from previous Groups so while they have been VERY helpful and generous with their time and info, it's not quite the same as speaking with those we "grew up" with back at Pre-Service Training.
A blessing and a curse has been how close all of us in Group 25 had become. That closeness developed quickly during the first week in-country, and got us through the first 1.5 months here; we were able to rely and lean on each other during hard times, illnesses, etc. But that closeness, now that we are all separated, has made the transition difficult. It's like we're missing a limb and are disoriented as to how to manage. I was actually surprised at how much joy I felt when I saw a fellow volunteer from Group 25 sitting there in the Peace Corps Resource Center (I'm talking about YOU, Denis!), after not having seen any of the others for a whole week and a half!
Also I think part of the reason is that we have NOTHING TO DO til the end of January, which has given us time to reflect on our situation, to think about where we are, what we are doing, to finally digest everything. See we've hit the ground running ever since we got to this country, with little time to breathe and take it all in...so now that we have all this time, insecurities, doubts, and homesickness has set in for alot of us. We are also in an in-between place right now...we've adapted somewhat to life here, but we're still "white man".
I've received phone calls from several of the other G25 volunteers, and basically we've all had the same feelings of inadequacy to varying degrees. Of course those situated in the outer islands, the more "bush" sites, are having the most difficult time, especially as their access to cell service and contact with other PCVs are spotty at best. I mean, if *we* on Efate are feelng this way, imagine how hard it is for the others!
We really really appreciate the all-inclusive "Team Talk" cell phone plan we PCVs are under; for those of us who have been able to speak to each other it has been a HUGE blessing. It helps to talk to each other, to speak to someone who speaks English and who you can relate to culturally who are going through the same things. As much as the people back home try to empathize, the only people who can truly, intimately understand what you are going through are your fellow volunteers who are here with you, who are going through the same "growing pains" you are...and this has made those of us assigned to Efate alot "closer" than we ever were during PST. Man we should start charging for these counseling sessions lol.
So anyway these feelings came and went throughout the weeks, and in order to get through it I remember what my friend Prasad told me...remember why you joined. I remember Rebecca, an RPCV back in Hawai'i, telling me about the ups and downs...The first few months are always the hardest, but we'll get through it. And honestly, though it may not feel like it now, I know the 2 years will go by quickly, and soon we'll be back home before we know it, so we need to savor these moments while we are here. I had a talk with Stephanie from G24 who had a great outlook on it...it's all about the experience!! She's in a waaaay more bush site than I am in and has adapted so well, I hope to be there (figuratively) one day soon ;).
It also has been a blessing that I am so close to Port Vila and that I have access to somewhat reliable Internet...Facebook and e-mail have been HUGE comforts, and the fact that I am able to send (and in some cases receive) text messages with people back in the States, even if it is just for a short bit...one special person in particular has been a total angel (you know who you are ;) <3) Plus speaking to my folks :), it's good to know they are only 2 hours behind me, they're much closer to me now than they were when I was back in Hawai'i, so it's easier to get in touch with them and it's comforting that they are so close. In fact, it's always comforting to know there are people who care about you and are thinking about you... :)
Cue the song "
Somewhere Out There" from "An American Tail" haha ;p
After saying all this, to assuage your concerns, those feelings of inadequacy and uneasiness have been subsiding, slowly. I spent a bulk of the first 2 weeks keeping busy, going into town to get my home situated and "lived in" (i.e. getting pots, pans, utensils, etc.), and the last week or so adjusting. I also feel comfortable getting around on my own now. It *finally* feels like a home. MY home. Just in time, too, because the school year will be starting soon and I need to get my ass in gear!!
And honestly, as much as I've been whining this entire time, most of the people in Vanuatu are honestly really really very welcoming; they've taken us in like we're family, and are there if we ever need them. I don't ask for much though, and they usually come to me asking if there's anything I need :). Plus it helps that I can cook my own food now, and alcohol is in close proximity haha ;-P
So ya there's my schpeel, the ups and downs of moving in...logistically it hasn't been too difficult, but there were some bumps in the road...I surprised myself quite a bit, and saw what I can and can't handle. And it's only been 3 months! These past several weeks have been a real test of our determination, our drive, and our commitment. A couple in our group have already left us for the States for various reasons, and I feel privileged (and lucky) that I'm still here, in the "Happiest Place on Earth." (screw you, Disneyland!) We're all doing something that many people only dream of doing, in one of the most beautiful places on earth where people spend thousands of $$$ to visit...so yeah, we're all pretty F'n lucky to be here :)
